Pre - Production: Script Draft 2 Feedback.

After a meeting with Simon about my second draft of my script, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done, however, I am feeling optimistic about the changes that need to be made as it's made me think a little more about the ending and how I can add another dimension to Georges' secret.

A few of the key points to change are below on some notes I made:

• Take out the rose at the beginning of the script, the power is lost when it's shown another 2 times.
• Be clear on who Bethany runs past in scene 10 - how many extras are needed?
• Francis needs to be portrayed as much younger, change the style of him. Daniel is the one that needs to be described as older. 
• George and James are young, and wouldn't be 'casually' drinking scotch. Make it more realistic, along with the way they talk to each other.
• Make Francis' relationship with Daniel a little more cold and frosty. Francis doesn't want Daniel to take Bethany away from him. Make Francis surprised that Daniel is here. Francis is intimidated by Daniel as Daniel has all this experience, and Francis has bought a theatre and made him self 'director' to try make himself look like he's successful, even though he doesn't have much of a professional input.
• Daniel should be established as someone who is higher up in the West End. Bethany should recognise his name and be embarrassed that she would talk to him in such a way.
• George and Lucy - Bethany will think George is cheating on her, which pushes her over the edge even more - all these events are happening to her so closely. Bethany rings both characters, but they both in their own way shrug her off and ignore her questions. 
• There should be a final confrontation between Francis and Bethany. Bethany accepts Daniels' offer and informs Francis of her leaving.
• Bethany should question George more.
• Scene 11 - Bethany should ring Lucy before she goes through Georges things, giving her the final push to investigate. 
• Scene 15 - once again, Francis comes off as too old. Needs to be changed.
• Scene 17 - needs to be clearly established that the performance in the theatre is still on going. Distinguish the difference between the 'real' and the 'theatre performance'
• George should ring Bethany before she goes on stage, leaving her a message. She is looking for him in the audience and doesn't hear her phone ring.
• A different ending, don't leave the audience completely lost. Francis could be sat in the audience, Lucy could be doing something odd. This will make the audience more confused, had Bethany gone completely insane, or was Francis really tormenting her?

I elaborated on the notes a little to help myself develop the story. Although theres a lot to go through, I feel like the changes that will be made will make a huge difference, just like they did on the first draft. A few of the corrections has also given me a few new ideas which I'm excited to begin writing about.